“If you’re going through Hell, keep going”

It’s taken me a while to gather the courage to write this, and I’m not yet sure I’m going to click the Submit button as I type…..but here goes anyway.

You get married to someone you love. Obvious. You promise that you’ll be there for her through thick and thin. Again, obvious. Believe me, you never anticipate having to support your wife as she has “products of conception” surgically removed after suffering from a “missed” miscarriage.

Twice.

Amy and I are both 32 years old, reasonably healthy and ridiculously keen to start a family after two years of marriage. We suffered our first miscarriage in November 2010 and although it was the toughest thing to endure, we were calmed by the support of those friends and family around us and reassured by the knowledge that this happens to a lot more people than you’d imagine. Apparently one in three women suffer a miscarriage. We were just unlucky. It wasn’t to be this time.

In June this year Amy fell pregnant again. This time it’ll be different. This time it will be OK. In early August we went for our 8 week scan, with an unequal balance of anxiety and anticipation. Bad news again. The baby had stopped developing a week earlier and there was no heartbeat. Hell, again. My heart sank seeing the person I care about the most so helpless and alone. I’m two feet away and can do nothing to soothe her but sit and stare at the wall. I’m the husband that can help and solve problems. I can fix her laptop, programme Sky+, sort out her iPhone and clear the spiders and mice out of the house. I’m here to make her feel better and tell her everything is alright, but I sit there, say nothing and do nothing. Useless husband.

It’s now six days after Amy came out of Hospital and she is still in discomfort and pain but I know there is light at the end of this grim, depressing tunnel. I’m struggling to see it but I know it’s there, it simply has to be. If you’re in a tunnel in the first place, by definition there is light at the end, otherwise you’re walking into a cave! I know it’s hard to see good times ahead, but it’s essential you know they’re there. Winston Churchill once said “If you’re going through hell, keep going” and I can’t concur enough.

My wife is the most beautiful, courageous and inspiring person I have ever known and I know she will pick herself up and be the wonderful Mother she is destined to be. I just hope that she realises this sooner rather than later.

“Find the bright spots in life. Find the things that you do that work and do them more often. Emulate success. Nothing is a problem 100% of the time. Whatever you are doing when it is not a problem do more often.”

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5 thoughts on ““If you’re going through Hell, keep going”

  1. Oh Dave, Amy is lucky to have you as you are her. You’ll both get to be the brilliant parents I know you will be one day. You’re a courageous and inspiring couple and I feel very honoured to know you both. Massive hugs to you and Amy from The Bums x

  2. Deepest sympathy to you and Amy on your losses. I went through two missed miscarriages in the space of six months some years ago, so I can empathise. I hope all your dreams of parenthood come true very soon.

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